To my Julian, on his 1st Birthday

Oh wow. My little boy. My little boy who just held ME tonight as he feel asleep...

Julian,
A year ago at this time I was going to bed after coming to terms that you might not come out and I'd have to be induced. Daddy and I do a few things to try to motivate you to come out and then I fall asleep :) I awake to a few odd cramps, go to pee, come back to bed and sshhhlluuuffff! My water breaks! So I tap daddy to wake him up, just like in the movies which they say never happens, and call grandma and we go to the hospital!
Today I asked Babi Alla if it is just me who remembers my labor with you to be such a pleasant experience. While she reminded me I was in pain, I remember this day as if it was yesterday and with feelings of such excitement and content. You my love, were born at 5:04 PM, and I will never forget the feeling of your moist head (don't barf dear readers) when I first kissed you...and kept kissing you. You looked at me. And you keep looking at me with your amazing eyes that communicate the world.

This year, we've grown together. As you develop everyday I rush to keep up with you. You are so amazing. You have such a personality now and about 10 days ago you began to look at me, like a real little person. A person who understands, thinks and realizes new things every moment. When you say Mama to me, I am all yours. We are all puddles under your feet.

You are now looking at me with this new love and admiration. It is spectacular and makes me feel so loved. My love for you just keeps growing as we grow together.

And you little boy, are really freakin funny. You do the silliest cutest things which words would never do service to.

This year has not been an easy one yet it has revealed so much. I now know what unconditional love is. What truly putting someone else before yourself, means. You smile, and that is it. That is the only thing which exists.

Tomorrow we celebrate your birthday and our first year together as a new family with a whole lot of people. Grandpa Yan is throwing a huge party to show you off. And you my love are so worth showing off. While events such as the one to take place is not up my ally, I understand something. You will be surrounded by people who care and love you and your family. You are to be celebrated. You are always surrounded by love, so much love that no one can pass you by without exclaiming "Now that is a happy baby!". And you truly are a happy baby. And here is a universal truth of loving parents: we just want you to be happy. I will not ask much of you, but do try to keep that twinkle in your eye while smiling through life. We will all always be smiling at you.

Happy Birthday Julian. You are so loved.

Mama