Friday, April 17, 2009
Sleeeeppp!
I want to sleep, the kind of sleep where your are just knocked out for endless hours and wake up not caring what time it is and you are just beautifully amazingly rested.
There hasn't been normal sleep since the end of my second trimester, thats a long time folks. If you have trouble waking up in the morning or the type that doesn't hear your alarm clock, set that alarm to a screaming baby, you'll jump up in a sec (unless your an exhausted parent at which point you will snicker in your bed and make deals with whatever dude in the sky for just a few more minutes of silence and sweet sweet sleep)
Once evening rolls around I've been getting the feeling like back in your middle school days on a Sunday night, or after a vacation and you need to go back to school. There is this anxiety and the sense that time is ticking fast and you are getting closer to having to get up in the morning and go to school...
I've been getting the feeling less frequent in the past few days but it sucks! I'm ranting a bit now but its 1:40 and Julian is starting to fall asleep and Im up and have to be back up in a few hours. Tomorrow we are finishing planning our mini road trip to the Carolinas. Julian will be staying the my mom and we are going to take a little trip to try to feel human again. I'm already starting to miss the smurfling.
We just had a smiling marathon and let me tell ya, catching those smiles on camera is a bit of a challenge. I noticed that when the camera is in front of my face and he can't see me he wont smile much no matter how much im googlin at him. But if you start to massage him, then the toothless laughs come.
Road trip will hopefully be from Saturday to Thursday and involve hang gliding in sand dunes, hiking, boating and lots of beautiful scenery. I miss nature so much in this endless winter of NY.
Mmmm, ssllleeeeeeppp
There hasn't been normal sleep since the end of my second trimester, thats a long time folks. If you have trouble waking up in the morning or the type that doesn't hear your alarm clock, set that alarm to a screaming baby, you'll jump up in a sec (unless your an exhausted parent at which point you will snicker in your bed and make deals with whatever dude in the sky for just a few more minutes of silence and sweet sweet sleep)
Once evening rolls around I've been getting the feeling like back in your middle school days on a Sunday night, or after a vacation and you need to go back to school. There is this anxiety and the sense that time is ticking fast and you are getting closer to having to get up in the morning and go to school...
I've been getting the feeling less frequent in the past few days but it sucks! I'm ranting a bit now but its 1:40 and Julian is starting to fall asleep and Im up and have to be back up in a few hours. Tomorrow we are finishing planning our mini road trip to the Carolinas. Julian will be staying the my mom and we are going to take a little trip to try to feel human again. I'm already starting to miss the smurfling.
We just had a smiling marathon and let me tell ya, catching those smiles on camera is a bit of a challenge. I noticed that when the camera is in front of my face and he can't see me he wont smile much no matter how much im googlin at him. But if you start to massage him, then the toothless laughs come.
Road trip will hopefully be from Saturday to Thursday and involve hang gliding in sand dunes, hiking, boating and lots of beautiful scenery. I miss nature so much in this endless winter of NY.
Mmmm, ssllleeeeeeppp
Thursday, April 9, 2009
After reading my previous entry the hubby mentioned that it was very deep, not the manner in which I usually speak. I reminded him that I don't always write exactly as I speak and hey, the experience of life with Julian is worthy of a few deeper moments. However, I think I will resume my previous tone of amusing sarcasm, it seem to suit us all better.
Yuriy & I are planning a mini road trip to the Carolinas. I am in dire need of a change of atmosphere and since I cannot do my previous "I'm off to....[fill in the blank with an amazing place that is full of eye opening experiences and delicious moments of solitude and contemplation]", a few days on the road with Yuriy discovering what the States have to offer (while using up our remaining miles on the leased car and taking advantage of cheaper gas) is hopefully a good and more feasible alternative.
The steak is waiting to be tended to now, must do the dinner thing.
Yuriy & I are planning a mini road trip to the Carolinas. I am in dire need of a change of atmosphere and since I cannot do my previous "I'm off to....[fill in the blank with an amazing place that is full of eye opening experiences and delicious moments of solitude and contemplation]", a few days on the road with Yuriy discovering what the States have to offer (while using up our remaining miles on the leased car and taking advantage of cheaper gas) is hopefully a good and more feasible alternative.
The steak is waiting to be tended to now, must do the dinner thing.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
2009.04.08 12:30am
Hello Hellooooooo! Is there anyone out there?
Oh my blog! I have returned to the computer world today and even discovered a new thingie majig called tumblr which enables easier ways of posting. I'm giving it a shot since I will take up anything that will make my life easier at this point. Being able to have time to shower and get dressed in something that is not sliding half off my body and covering at least half of these unspeakably enormous milk producers which is productivity to the utmost repect, updating photos and managing to merge my blogs to update simultaneously is what I consider a very productive day.
Since I've entered mommyhood, I really want to keep up to date with photos, keepsakes and written updates. Unfortunately my desire is greater than my actual ability. These things have all but become another To-Do on my list which don't seem to get crossed off.
So here is a preview of the writings to be published soon:
-Julians Birth Story (Finally!)
-A List: (you know how much I like those!)Memorable Moments from arrival to departure in Lenox Hill Hospital.
-From Hospital to Home: As Reality Sinks In
-The Next Few Weeks: As Reality REALLY Begins to Sink In
- Another list, yippee: The Most Memorable(so far) Moments of Life With Julian
-Pumping and Breastfeeding: My Ups, my downs and my inability to merge my conflicting feelings of this arduous full time job.
-My Freedom: The mourning of its loss and the new deep appreciation for time for myself, my friends and my husband.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Not much has been able to get done without a list these days so seeing these posts in need of completion in writing is helpful. For now I can tell you a few things:
The last seven weeks seem like an eternity where life did not exist before Julian while at the same time all taking place in half a blinks time.
There were sweet moments of high energy and mesmerizing bliss from which I would sink deep into the depths of my new family's love.
There were moments where my new life seems like a big gray blur of timelessness and cyclical hectic monotony. These time usually follow feelings of confinement, mourn, guilt, and desire to temporarily crawl out of my skin.
Motherhood makes all your feelings run deeper. There are ups and downs that are higher and lower than anything felt before. The deepness of the love never seeped to the core so consumingly and the lows never felt more threatening.
Currently, time stands still in a race against itself. My abilities as a new person, a new Mother, are trying to keep up with the speed of light development of Julian.
Since I've entered mommyhood, I really want to keep up to date with photos, keepsakes and written updates. Unfortunately my desire is greater than my actual ability. These things have all but become another To-Do on my list which don't seem to get crossed off.
So here is a preview of the writings to be published soon:
-Julians Birth Story (Finally!)
-A List: (you know how much I like those!)Memorable Moments from arrival to departure in Lenox Hill Hospital.
-From Hospital to Home: As Reality Sinks In
-The Next Few Weeks: As Reality REALLY Begins to Sink In
- Another list, yippee: The Most Memorable(so far) Moments of Life With Julian
-Pumping and Breastfeeding: My Ups, my downs and my inability to merge my conflicting feelings of this arduous full time job.
-My Freedom: The mourning of its loss and the new deep appreciation for time for myself, my friends and my husband.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Not much has been able to get done without a list these days so seeing these posts in need of completion in writing is helpful. For now I can tell you a few things:
The last seven weeks seem like an eternity where life did not exist before Julian while at the same time all taking place in half a blinks time.
There were sweet moments of high energy and mesmerizing bliss from which I would sink deep into the depths of my new family's love.
There were moments where my new life seems like a big gray blur of timelessness and cyclical hectic monotony. These time usually follow feelings of confinement, mourn, guilt, and desire to temporarily crawl out of my skin.
Motherhood makes all your feelings run deeper. There are ups and downs that are higher and lower than anything felt before. The deepness of the love never seeped to the core so consumingly and the lows never felt more threatening.
Currently, time stands still in a race against itself. My abilities as a new person, a new Mother, are trying to keep up with the speed of light development of Julian.
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